My Holding Power Journey


Dancing around the fire pit I shape-shifted into a loon and flew to the first level of the upper world where I played in the water with whales and dolphins for a time. The opulent sunshine of this seemingly tropical place penetrated into my being and I felt warm and nurtured. Soon it became clear that my travels were not finished and I immediately soured higher and higher passing through eight spiraling layers of rainbow colored swirls.

On a surreal mountaintop one of my Spirit teachers, Great Grandfather, met me with huge smile and open arms. It feels so good to be welcomed into the world of the masters in this way. Once releasing our embrace he spoke to me right away of being so proud of the hard work I have been doing spiritually. He compassionately empathized with my difficult situation and shared with me the learning for this challenge as one of holding power, sitting with power, then focusing this built up power into action. Patiently he went on to explain that being able to accomplish this with calm attention is mastery.I am becoming a master of power holding and perhaps eventually harnessing, if I heed my lessons well. He acknowledged that this is a very precarious situation for me with many volatile emotions involved. Because of this I need to stay ever vigilant, awake, alert and totally conscious. Not for one moment can I let down my skills of awareness.

I must hold the power and the energy created by the strong emotions while allowing these emotions to flow through my being. I can release the emotions through my ever helpful psychological inventory and through energy work but only after holding them as long as absolutely possible. He stressed the importance of sitting with these emotions which literally means sit still, go quietly within and feel them to the fullest extent, even if it hurts tremendously. I was guided not to talk about this situation or my screaming emotions with anyone other than the person involved or this intense power will be lost and this opportunity to grow watered down. He explained that many people loose the power of the moment,and therefore the learning, through endless chat as they seek approval from others. As I struggled with this “mission impossible” in my logical mind, Great Grandfather assured me of the necessity for the great degree of passion in these feelings as an important catalyst for building power. I needed something this strong in my life to cause this forceful of a reaction in order to build this pinnacle of power.

He guided me to utilize the power services of another Spirit teacher, Heron, to help in holding the power with quiet stillness. Quietly holding this power, centering it into the core of my being is my learning. This is a challenge, a test of enlightenment. If I am unable to hold this power quietly I blow up and destroy this glorious opportunity I have asked for and been given to expand. Master it and I master more of the mysteries of life. I not only seal my mastery of my health I am rewarded with this fantastic unmatched occurrence in my life. Great Grandfather guided me to also utilize the services of another spirit Teacher, Loon, who will help me go into the deep dark depths of fear and truth. Great Grandfather acknowledged my thoughts that I am not used to holding power and usually let it all fizzle away before gaining any benefit. He reiterated this is my time to learn how to glean benefit from the holding, by containing as long as possible, until I feel about to explode and then release the emotional aspects through my own energy practice. I hear the learning, I must be quiet and still. Don’t talk about it to others, that leaks power. The fewer that know the greater the holding, the greater the learning and the longer this gift stays in my life. It is really not precarious at all, it just feels like it. That is my illusion to dissolve.

The illusions of my emotions. I feel like I am exploding with a big luscious juicy secret that I want to share but can’t. Great Grandfather warns that I have I worked so hard to wake up, become fully alive and alert and conscious that now is not the time to fall back asleep. I am at the wheel of my life and falling back into the sleep of unawareness would be deadly. Be awake, alive, fully conscious and present in each and every moment and each and every feeling. That is the mastery of holding power. So we just sat with that learning for a time. Feeling the energy, the passion of the emotions, and the power building. The thin cloudy mists of the surreal mountain range flowed in, around and away from our small mountaintop plateau as the vibration of the drum flooded into my awareness. The callback began to summon me down through the layers of the upper world, the spiraling rainbow swirls, back to the campfire pit and then awareness of being in my body, in this room.